Let Go, Move On
by Giantpanda
Summary: As Shannon and Sayid move towards their future, Shannon needs to confront part of her past. Sequel to Love's Fortune.
1. Chapter 1

TITLE: Let Go, Move On  
RATING: PG  
SUMMARY: As Shannon and Sayid move towards their future, Shannon needs to confront part of her past.  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments.

Chapter One 

Shannon stood shakily with her white-knuckled fingers clutching the bathroom sink. She closed her eyes tightly as she willed away the nauseous feeling that had suddenly hit her. Beads of sweat covered her face as she took quick deep breaths as she tried not to throw up. Her legs felt weak as if they couldn't hold her, and she wondered if she should sit down.

Over the past few days, she'd experienced sporadic nausea. The first time she'd told Sayid she didn't feel well, he had made her stay in bed all day, and he had taken care of her. It had been on the weekend so it didn't interfere with their work. The next time it happened, he had been with her when she had actually thrown up. That had prompted him to take her temperature, and search for the doctor's number. After asking her constantly if she was really all right, she decided that she had to stop telling him when she felt sick. She figured she was just getting some kind of weird flu bug or something that randomly attacked her. Or maybe it was just stress related. She took a few deep breaths as she looked at herself in the mirror. Her face was pale, and she knew that Sayid would be concerned. She loved him, but she did not need him to hover over her checking to see if she was all right.

Shannon brushed her teeth, moving slowly through her nighttime routine. She washed her face, scrubbing harder than usual to get some color back on her face. Unfortunately, she still looked pale. For once, she hoped that Sayid brought papers to bed to grade so that he wouldn't be able to tell that she still felt sick.

She had never pictured Sayid as a college professor at a community college, but she should have known that with his brains he would have been able to do anything he wanted. She knew that he enjoyed sharing his love for engineering with others who loved it as much as he did. She tried to picture him teaching. She knew if he had been one of her professors she wouldn't have been studying engineering. She would have asked him for extra help though.

Once she was sure that the nausea had passed, she made her way sluggishly to the bedroom, flipping off the light as she went. She noticed Sayid was in fact in bed with a pile of papers in his lap. He already had his pajamas on, and he was intently reading the paper in his hands, his red pen poised to make corrections. When he was grading it was difficult to get his attention.

She grimaced at all of her papers strewn all around her work area. Her desk was covered, as was the floor. She really needed to clean up after herself, but for some reason she just didn't have the energy. She picked up the latest sketch that she had been working one, and crinkled her nose. She couldn't believe that she had designed an outfit that was so ugly. Every fashion mistake anyone could ever make was present in that drawing. She couldn't believe earlier she had been proud of it. She would have to fix it in the morning so her professor wouldn't be furious with her; now all she wanted was to sleep.

Shannon climbed into bed, and pulled the covers up to her chest. She loved to snuggle deep into the covers; it made her feel safe. However, she loved being in Sayid's arms even more. He was deeply involved with the paper he was reading, and hadn't even noticed that she was next to him.

"You know that your students and I would love you more if you stopped giving so much work," she said, touching his shoulder gently.

He set the paper on the nightstand and rubbed his eyes. "I believe I would love myself more too. I do not believe this student has sat in on any of the classes."

"That bad?"

"The thesis is not based on anything I have taught, or anything I have ever learned about."

"I've written papers like that before." She smiled. "We called them BS papers. When you got them back, you'd make some sob story about someone dying to explain away the lack of facts."

He sighed, placed the papers on the nightstand, and turned off the light.

He reached for her to come closer. She rested her head against his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her. She felt her eyes closing as exhaustion washed over her.

Sayid ran his fingers through her hair. "Are you still feeling sick?"

"Not right now," she said, which technically wasn't lying.

He brushed his lips against her forehead. "I still think you should see a doctor."

"I don't need a doctor to tell me to rest more, and work less. I've just been too busy."

She tried her best to keep her own concern out of her voice. She would never admit it to him, but she also wondered why she felt sick too. She was afraid to find out if something was seriously wrong with her. They had been on the island for months. Who knew what kind of tropical diseases they all could have. She also hated doctors. Ever since her mother died, she had been fearful of doctors, and the lies they said to make you feel better.

"When the semester is over, we should go somewhere so you can relax."

She shook her head. "We've just gotten settled here. I don't want to go anywhere else yet. Anyway there is plenty to do here in LA."

They had moved into their apartment three months ago, and after taking so long to move everything in and find a place for it, Shannon wasn't ready to leave it. This was their home. She knew Sayid wouldn't argue with her. They could simply vacation right where they were.

"I forgot to tell you, Sabrina sent me another letter."

"What did it say?"

"Some smart remarks about me being in school to be a fashion designer. Or at least it seemed that way to me. Will you read it for me in the morning?"

"Of course."

She wrapped her arm around his waist. They had gotten into a routine with Sabrina's letters: Shannon would read them, and sometimes misinterpret the meaning. Sayid had to read them all as well to make sure that she wasn't reading too much into them. If they both agreed that Sabrina was being rude, then she knew how to answer. There were times when she was just too sensitive, but she couldn't help it, she always had to be on guard when dealing with Sabrina.

She was so glad that she had Sayid by her side. She knew that he would help her deal with Sabrina and anything else that ever came up. She trembled as he began to run his fingers up and down her arm. Some days she still didn't understand how this worked out so well. She didn't want to take any chances with him. She wanted this relationship to be forever. She thought of the promise ring she always wore. They were engaged to be engaged. Maybe it was time for them to move beyond that into something more permanent.

"Marry me," she said.

He stopped his hand in mid-air over her arm. She hadn't meant to blurt it out like that. Just because she was thinking about making it more permanent, didn't mean that she was ready to share those thoughts with Sayid. They hadn't really discussed marriage before, but it seemed to her to be the next step in their relationship. A step that terrified and excited her.

"We should get some sleep, we are going to Nadia's for lunch tomorrow."

Shannon didn't know what to say or do. She knew he had heard what she said, but he was ignoring her. What did that mean? Did he not want to marry her? What was going on with him? She opened her mouth to ask, but instead a yawn came out. She really was exhausted. She'd just have to ask him in the morning.

TBC…


	2. Chapter 2

TITLE: Let Go, Move On  
RATING: PG  
SUMMARY: As Shannon and Sayid move towards their future, Shannon needs to confront part of her past.  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments.

Chapter Two 

Shannon sank wearily onto the couch. She brought her coffee mug to her lips, but the smell was too much. She placed her untouched coffee back on the table. Even though she had slept through the night, she had been plagued by nightmares. She wanted nothing more than to close her eyes and go back to bed, but she knew that she still would be haunted. She needed to talk with Sayid. Unfortunately, he had gotten out of bed before her, and she still heard the shower running. Normally she would have climbed in there with him, but the uncertainty that had formed at the pit of her stomach since he hadn't answered her marriage proposal stopped her.

It wasn't like him to completely ignore her as he did last night. She didn't know why he had mentioned Nadia when she had asked him to marry her. She took a few deep breaths. She refused to go down that train of thought. She would not allow herself to believe that he still really wanted Nadia. But then why hadn't he answered her? Was marriage something he wasn't ready for, and he had been afraid to tell her? But Sayid wasn't someone who shied away from telling her anything.

Shannon hated this feeling of not knowing what was going on with him. They were getting so much better with talking about the things that bothered them. They were learning that when they kept things to themselves, they eventually blew up at each other. They had tired of fighting, though they both enjoyed the making up part.

She startled as she felt Sayid caress her shoulder. She hadn't even heard the water turn off. She turned her head slightly to look at him, and immediately wished she hadn't. Shannon could never stay mad at him, or think straight after he stepped out of the shower. He wore sweatpants, and nothing else. His hair still wet from the shower hung against his shoulders causing water to drip down his chest. She watched the droplets as they slid down his stomach and past his belly button, causing her breath to catch. Her earlier doubts slipped away as he leaned down to kiss her.

"Good morning," he said. "I'm surprised to see you awake so early. You did not seem to sleep well."

He moved to sit beside her on the sofa. She watched him closely as he reminded her of what she had been thinking about. He wouldn't look at her directly in the eye, and she knew immediately that he knew why she hadn't slept well.

"I don't like staying in bed without you. Not that it seemed like you wanted to be there with me," she said struggling to keep the hurt from her voice.

His shoulders sagged at her confession. For an instant she felt guilty for her words. She hated that she could still hurt him so badly, but she just needed answers. Why didn't the man she had given her heart and soul to answer her when she asked him to marry her?

He stood and moved so that he was kneeling in front of her. Her eyes traveled over him as she tried to figure out what he was doing. He was driving her crazy. First he came out from the shower, then he wasn't very comforting, and now he was on the floor in front of her.

Taking her hands in his, he took a deep breath. "I needed to clear my head," he said, squeezing her hands reassuringly. "You always say that a shower helps you."

She pulled one hand away, and wiped a few drops of water off his shoulder, her hand lingering longer than it needed. She was stalling from whatever it was that he was going to say. Why did he have to clear his head? Had the question of marriage been too much for him?

"I know you are upset that I did not answer you last night." He brought her hand to his lips for a kiss. "I admit that you caught me off guard. But that is not why I did not give you an answer."

"Why didn't you?" she asked, her voice trembling.

He wasn't acting like a man who didn't want to marry her, but he was acting suspicious.

"You stole my question, and I envisioned it differently."

She crinkled her brow in confusion. What was he talking about? He pulled out a box from his pocket, and her heart stopped. He had wanted to ask her. Her heart started pounding as she realized that he was about to propose to her. She pulled her hands away from him, and wiped them against her pajama pants before giving them back to him.

"I realize that this is not the most romantic place to do this, but I did not think you would allow me to wait too much longer."

She started to laugh. It was true she would have asked him about it and she would have pushed him to propose. Her laughter stopped as she realized that all her fears had been unfounded, and he really was going to ask her to marry him.

Sayid paused as if he was trying to get his thoughts together. He began to play with the box in his hands, flipping it back and forth. He seemed to realize what he was doing, and he laughed nervously.

He tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "I love you, Shannon. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You came into my life when I needed you the most, even if I had not realized it yet. For the first time since I could remember, I thought about the possibility of future, and the only picture I saw had you in it. I stopped caring about rescue on the island, because I was simply happy to have you by my side."

Shannon couldn't believe all he was saying. No one had ever simply wanted to be with her before. She had been so worried earlier and now she knew without any doubt that Sayid wanted her and only her to be with him. She had never thought she would find someone who would say something like that to her, and it made her heart soar.

She didn't know what to say. It was the most she had ever heard him say at once before. Her silence however, seemed to have a different affect on Sayid.

He ran his fingers through his hair nervously. "I had planned this better while in the shower. I wanted it to be perfect."

Shannon couldn't speak. Her eyes were filled with tears, and she was trying desperately not to cry. She couldn't believe she was getting so emotional about being asked to marry him.

"Shannon, will you marry me?"

She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. She held him tightly as she began to cry.

"Yes," she sobbed into his shoulder.

He rubbed her back soothingly. "You have not seen the ring yet," he said amusement filling his voice.

She pulled back slightly, she had forgotten about that part. In all honesty, just marrying him would make her happy. But she still wanted to see the ring. In a way she was surprised that he had bought her another ring. She still wore the promise ring on her finger, and in all honesty that had been enough for her. Maybe in the past she would have expected more, but now all she needed was Sayid.

With trembling hands she took the box out of his hand, and slowly opened it. Her breath caught as she looked at it. The ring looked old fashioned, and wasn't something she would have picked out for herself. Yet she was strangely drawn to it. She touched it gently, and she fell in love with it. It was white gold with a large diamond surrounded by detailed work unlike anything she had ever seen before.

Sayid pulled the ring out of the box, and took her hand in his as if he was going to slip the ring on her finger. Instead, he held onto her hand his eyes staring at the ring as if he was lost in his memories. She squeezed his hand hoping he would share what he was thinking.

"This ring belonged to my mother," he said softly, tears filling his eyes. "My father bought it for her on a trip to England. Mother always wore it." He took a shaky breath. "After I was dishonorably discharged from the Guard, Mother knew I would never be able to return home. She gave it to me to remember her. She snuck it to me when she came to say goodbye at the prison where I was during the interrogation about what happened with Nadia. I do not know how it survived the crash."

"It's beautiful," was all she could say.

"I had thought she was just being sentimental," he continued. "I asked her why this ring, and she said it would be something for me to give my future wife, so she would always carry a piece of family history. Mother said I would know when I had found the right person."

"Are you sure it's me?" she whispered.

She suddenly felt overwhelmed by his declaration. How did he know she was the right person? There had to be so many people out there that were better for him, and for some reason he only wanted her. She still couldn't believe how lucky she was.

He removed her promise ring, slipping it onto her other hand, before he placed her new ring on her finger. It was a perfect fit.

"I have no doubts that you are the one she spoke of." He pulled her into his arms. "My mother would have loved you. I wish you could meet her."

"Why can't I?"

"I can never return to Iraq," he said, his voice breaking.

She ran her fingers over the ring. She didn't think she deserved to be given something so important to him. She rested her head against his shoulder. She felt wrong somehow about wearing a ring that belonged to a woman she had never met, one who probably would hate the fact that she was marring her son. Shannon wasn't worthy of something this special.

"Stop," he said, kissing her forehead as if he knew exactly what she was thinking. "I want this to be yours."

She sighed. Sometimes she hated how well he knew her. She snuggled closer to him as he wrapped his arms around her waist. She could stay like this forever. She knew that soon they would have to get ready to go to Nadia's. But all that was on her mind as she looked at her new engagement ring was Sabrina. Sayid spoke of how he could never go home to his family, and it made Shannon think that maybe she should try to make amends with hers. Shannon's life was finally coming together and in a way she wanted to show her stepmother that she wasn't a screw up. Maybe she would call her before she went to Nadia's. She could use Sayid's name, and make an appointment to meet with her. It would give Shannon the upper hand to have that element of surprise. It was about time that she talked to Sabrina face to face.

TBC…


	3. Chapter 3

TITLE: Let Go, Move On  
RATING: PG  
SUMMARY: As Shannon and Sayid move towards their future, Shannon needs to confront part of her past.  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments.

Chapter Three

Standing at Nadia's door a few hours later, Shannon felt a wave of nausea pass over her. Slightly dizzy, she grabbed Sayid's arm as the door swung open. His head turned sharply, as he eyed her with concern, but she ignored the look as Nadia greeted them. Shannon didn't think anything was wrong with feeling sick at the moment. She was about to be spending a long time with Nadia, the person her fiancé had spent seven years searching for. That was enough to make anyone a little nervous. She had hung out with Nadia before, however, it was usually just for short periods of time when they would see each other in the stores.

Shannon surveyed the house as she slipped off her shoes. Somehow even with two small children, Nadia was able to keep her house cleaner than Shannon had ever seen in her life. There were a few areas where toys were stored and she briefly wondered if everything had been piled up just because they were coming to visit. When dealing with Renault Shannon had dealt constantly with trying to get him to clean up after himself with limited success. Bribery she had learned was a wonderful invention. Since Sayid had been here before, without her, she thought about asking him if Nadia's house was always this clean.

Nadia welcomed Shannon into her home. Once she spotted Shannon's new ring, she gave Shannon a congratulatory hug. Shannon at first was surprised. She was not sure how she was supposed to act around Nadia. She had never really had true female friends before, and a part of her hoped that maybe Nadia could be her friend. She had always wanted a close friend before, but it never had worked out for whatever reason. She didn't know why she thought Nadia could fill that role. All the nervousness she had felt before slipped away. Nadia explain that her husband, Kamali, was at work, and her son Rashid was napping. Before she could say anything else, her daughter came running into the room.

Shannon watched as Kamila's face lit up as she saw Sayid standing there. She raced over to him. As Sayid picked up Kamila, Shannon couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if Sayid was holding their daughter. Having children was not something she had ever really thought about before, and not something she was prepared to think of right now. Instead, she watched him carry Kamila into the dinning room, holding her high in the air earning him laughter and smiles, and sat down beside him as Nadia served them lunch. She was mesmerized watching him, as he listened intently to whatever Kamila was telling him. She had seen him interact on the island with Aaron, but a baby was different than a toddler.

Shannon's stomach lurched as Nadia placed the food on the table. Large pieces of fish and vegetables were waiting to be eaten. She picked through the food picking up the smallest amount she could find. She struggled with how to eat the food without throwing it all back up. She thought of not eating, but she didn't want to be rude. She picked up her knife and fork and began to slowly cut her fish into small pieces. This was one time where having been weight conscious in the past would come in handy. She knew how to make eating a little look like a lot. She was so intent on not getting sick, that she listened halfheartedly as Nadia and Sayid joked around with each other. It was obvious that they were good friends, and for the first time Shannon realized that she really didn't have anything to worry about. They were simply friends.

She felt guilty that she was focused more on eating then on the conversation around her. Every once in a while, she would feel Sayid's eyes on her, and when she looked up she could see the concern in them. She hated that he was worrying about her. She really was fine, even if she was feeling sick again. It wasn't her fault that fish smelled bad, and had a distinct taste that she couldn't stomach. She swallowed hard on her last bit of fish. There was no way she was going to be able to eat anymore. She placed her napkin over her plate, hoping that Sayid wouldn't notice the pieces still left there.

"Sayid, can you take Kamila into the other room, she wants to show you her new drawings," Nadia said. "Shannon would you mind helping me with cleaning up."

Shannon rose unsteadily, and followed Nadia into the kitchen carrying her plates. She wondered if Nadia had been watching her during lunch. She didn't like the feeling that Nadia knew that she hadn't eaten the food. She dropped her food into the trashcan, and placed the dishes in the sink.

Nadia was watching her closely. "I do not believe I have seen Sayid as happy as he is now. You have changed him, Shannon. He seems," she paused as if searching for the word. "Lighter, I guess, as if he is at peace with himself."

Shannon wobbled on her feet and reached out for the counter. She breathed heavily as she tried to keep her balance and push back the feeling of nausea.

"Are you unwell?" Nadia asked, reaching out to steady her.

"I'm fine," Shannon answered automatically.

"Let me get Sayid."

"No," she took another deep breath. "He just gets worried."

"This has happened before?"

She sighed, she did not want to get into this now, but there was a part of her who was relieved to have someone to talk to.

"On and off for the past few days."

Nadia motioned for her to sit on the stool. "May I ask you a personal question?"

Shannon crinkled her brow. What kind of question could Nadia want to ask her that would be personal? She nodded, her curiosity getting the best of her.

"Could you be pregnant?" Nadia asked.

"No," she answered quickly. Her heart started pounding as she tried to process the question. She couldn't be pregnant, but then she thought back and realized that there was definitely the chance. She and Sayid hadn't always been careful. She felt lightheaded at the thought. "Maybe," she amended softly.

They had never discussed starting a family, and had just this morning become officially engaged. How would he feel if she was pregnant? How would she feel? Would they be okay? This was not something she expected to have to deal with so soon in their relationship. She should have seen it though, but with her eating problems growing up, she had never been consistent with her period.

Nadia rested her hand on Shannon's arm. "Would you like me to get Sayid?"

"No, I'll go in there with you. I'm sorry I ruined lunch."

Nadia helped her stand. "You did no such thing. Go home and rest. If you need anything just ask. I have done this twice before."

"Thank you," she whispered, touched by the offer. She had never had a real friend before.

They walked out into the living room, and Shannon stood in the doorway watching Sayid and Kamila. Seeing them together now had much more of an impact. She could picture him playing with their daughter and son on the floor toys covering every inch of space. She was surprised by the details of her fantasy. Maybe a family had been something she had thought about before but had never realized.

Nadia explained that Shannon wasn't feeling well, and Sayid immediately wanted to take her to the doctor. Nadia told him that wasn't necessary, but they should go home. Sayid eyed them suspiciously as if he didn't believe that everything was really okay. Shannon wanted to tell him, but wasn't sure how.

"Thank you for everything," Shannon said as she hugged Nadia.

"It is nice to have a new friend to talk to."

Shannon smiled. Her wish of having a new friend came true. She felt a sense of relief. A part of her had always felt that something was wrong with her since she never had many friends. Maybe she could finally change that.

Sayid and Shannon made their way to the car. Once buckled in, Sayid turned to her and brushed his hand against her forehead.

"Why did you not tell me that you felt sick?"

She ignored his question. She had a much more pressing matter that she needed to attend.

"Have you ever thought about having children?" she asked.

He looked at her confused by the question. He backed the car out of the driveway, and remained silent. She really needed him to answer her honestly. She didn't know what else to do.

"I have thought about it before."

She sighed, that really wasn't the answer she wanted or needed from him.

He continued, "After I met you, I began to think about it."

"You want to have children?"

"With you I would. Why do you ask, Shannon?"

"Why didn't you ever tell me that before?"

He shrugged, "You never seemed interested on the island of being a mother, and I did not feel that it was necessary to bring it up."

She knew he was talking about all the complaining she did about how Claire had so much to do all the time, how she could never imagine having another person dependent on her for everything. She still felt that way, yet she wasn't sure that having that was such a bad thing. She was so confused, maybe it had been the island that had brought out those thoughts. Here in LA she would have more support and didn't have to raise a child with the threats that had been a part of their lives for so long.

"So you'd just give up your dream of being a father because of me?"

He slowed the car as the light turned red, his breaks squeaking. He turned to face her. "You are everything to me Shannon. All I need is you."

"I still wish you would have told me, because I want the same thing. I had never realized it before today, but I do want to have a child with you."

He leaned over to kiss her, causing the car behind them to beep at them as the light turned back to green. Sheepishly, he pulled away and placed his foot on the gas. Shannon saw the grocery store at the next intersection and asked him to pull into it.

"Are you feeling sick again?"

She shook her head. "I want to buy a pregnancy test." She took a deep breath. "I think I might already be pregnant."

He turned to look at her, his eyes wide in shock. He looked away as he turned into the parking lot. He pulled into the first place that he saw and shifted the car into part.

Unbuckling his seatbelt, he twisted to face her again. He took her hand in his. "You think you are pregnant?"

"I've been nauseous and I skipped my period. It's possible."

She hadn't thought about missing her period until just then. She had been irregular most of her life, so she had always just assumed that was the problem.

"Why did you not tell me you have been feeling ill?"

She ran her fingers through his hair. "I did not want you to worry."

"Not telling me makes it worse." He took a deep breath. "Wait here, I will be back with the test." She opened her mouth to protest. "I think I can handle this, Shannon, I want you to rest."

He kissed her before leaving the car. She leaned back and closed her eyes, trying to rest like he said. However, that was the last thing she could do. Sayid just went into a store to buy a pregnancy test. She smiled at the image of him searching through the different tests.

This was not something she had thought would be happening so soon. Yet, she was strangely calm about the whole thing. A baby. Her child. With Sayid. She would be married with a child. A family. They would be just like she had always wanted growing up. She wondered what she or he would look like. She hoped that the child would have Sayid's eyes, and maybe his hair too. A little girl with those curls would be adorable. She was surprised by how easily she could picture their children. She was even more surprised by the fact that she was picturing a large family. Earlier she had never even thought about being a mom, and now it was as if that had been her dream all along.

She startled as he opened the door, handing her the bag filled to the top.

Looking inside she asked, "Did you buy one of every test they had?"

Sheepishly, he answered, "I did not know which was best."

"At least we'll know for sure with all these tests." She picked through them, laughing. "Do I really need to pee on all of these?"

"I don't know. We will read the directions."

Examining one box, she said, "How hard can it be?"

The rest of the drive was done in silence. Shannon was thinking about the implications of the tests she held in her hand. She also wondered what Sayid was thinking about. Did he really want a family with her? Or was that something he wanted later in their marriage?

Finally they pulled up in front of their building, and hurried up to their apartment. Shannon immediately went into the bathroom and pulled out one of the tests. She fumbled through the instructions and finally just threw them off to the side. There were far too many steps for something that should be simple. She just had to pee on it, not something that was too complicated.

She rested the completed test on the counter and looked at her watch. Their whole world could change in just three minutes. Shannon stepped back out of the bathroom, and joined Sayid on the bed. He pulled her into his arms, and she snuggled against his chest.

"About two and a half minutes to go," Shannon said.

"What do you want the test to say?"

"I don't know. Either way is good, I guess. It's not like we can't keep trying if I'm not pregnant now."

"And trying will be fun." He kissed the top of her head. "I just want you to be happy with the answer."

She bit her lip, "I think I may be ready for it to say yes."

"Me too."

She looked at her watch and realized that it was time to check the test. She was suddenly nervous. She really didn't know what answer she wanted.

"Come with me."

He stood with her, and took her hand in his as they walked into the bathroom. With a trembling hand she picked up the test from the counter. There was one pink horizontal line.

"I'm not pregnant," she whimpered, as tears filled her eyes.

"I am sorry, Shannon."

She didn't know why she was crying. She should be happy that she wasn't pregnant. She wasn't ready to be a mom. But then why did this hurt so badly. Why did it feel like she had lost something she had never even had to begin with?

Sayid pulled her tightly into his arms, as she sobbed against his chest. She wanted to have a baby with him, she wanted to start their family. He pulled away slightly and picked up the test box.

"I think you need to read the directions again," he said, his voice shaky with restrained excitement.

"Why a horizontal line is like a minus sign for negative?" she asked sniffling.

"Read it again."

She took the box out of his hand, and skimmed over the directions. She looked up at him, and then back to the box to make sure she had read it correctly.

"A horizontal line," she read, her voice quivering. "A pink horizontal line indicates a positive test, and a blue horizontal line is negative."

"It is pink," he whispered.

"I'm pregnant," she said with a smile. She placed her hand gently against her stomach. She was going to have a baby.

Sayid wrapped his arms tightly around her. "Are you happy?"

"Very happy," she said, kissing him. "I think we should do the other tests just in case."

"Shannon, you will get the same result."

Ripping open the next package, she said, "I just need to be sure."

And this time she knew she would read every word of the directions.

TBC…


	4. Chapter 4

TITLE: Let Go, Move On  
RATING: PG  
SUMMARY: As Shannon and Sayid move towards their future, Shannon needs to confront part of her past.  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments.

Chapter Four 

Shannon stood in front of her full-length mirror in her bra and knee-length skirt trying to decide if she looked pregnant yet. She was only eight weeks along – or at least, that was what the OB said, but as she placed her hands on her flat stomach, she still wanted to make sure that it wasn't noticeable yet. She turned, trying it from a different angle. A part of her was disappointed that she couldn't see the life growing inside of her yet.

Then of course there was the other part of her that was relieved that no one could tell she was pregnant. In an hour, she and Sayid would meet with Sabrina, and the last thing Shannon wanted was for Sabrina to think they were marrying because of the baby.

Sayid came from behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She closed her eyes as she leaned back against him. She had only told him this morning about the appointment with Sabrina. With the discovery of her pregnancy she had forgotten entirely that she had even called her. Sayid had been understanding of her reasoning, but she could tell that he wished she had told him sooner. He had no opportunity to really prepare himself for meeting Sabrina. She had told him so many horror stories about Sabrina that she was she he expected the worse.

"You look beautiful," he whispered in her ear.

"You always say that," she said with a smile. "But do I look pregnant?"

He rubbed his fingers gently across her stomach. "Not yet." He kissed her neck. "I can not wait until you do."

She snorted. "You want to see me looking like I swallowed a watermelon?"

That was the one part of this whole pregnancy thing that she could not get used to. She wasn't sure how she felt about the fact that she was going to get huge. She was worried that Sayid wouldn't find her attractive anymore. She knew she couldn't voice that thought to him because he would simply deny it. She also couldn't trust his opinion. He would tell her she looked beautiful even if she was in rags, which in fact he had told her during the last few days on the island.

"Are you sure you can't tell?" she asked again.

"I promise. Why do you keep asking?" he asked, trying to suppress a grin.

"I don't want Sabrina to know."

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them. She could see Sayid's hurt expression reflecting in the mirror.

She turned to face him. "I just want this to be ours for now, Sayid. I want to celebrate our baby together. I'm not ready to share her with Sabrina."

"Her?" he asked, his eyes sparkling with happiness.

She rolled her eyes. "Or him. I think it's a girl though. Mother's intuition or something. I…" she paused as a wave of nausea overwhelmed her. "I'm going to be sick," she said as she pushed past him and dashed to the bathroom.

She knelt in front of the toilet as she emptied her stomach. She closed her eyes as she took several deep breaths to calm herself. Morning sickness sucked, she decided. She startled as Sayid placed a cool washcloth against the back of her neck. She looked up to see him looking at her concerned.

Kneeling beside her, he asked, "Are you feeling better now?"

She moved so she could recline against him. "A little."

He ran his fingers through her hair. "Do you want me to call Sabrina and reschedule?"

"No, I want to get this over with."

"You could call and meet with her elsewhere. We do not need to meet with her about our wedding."

She shook her head. "I have it all planned out Sayid. We go to her office and she won't be able to attack me because we'll catch her off guard. She'll offer her expert opinion, I'll tell her I hate it, and we'll come back home and plan our own wedding."

"I do not understand how that will be better," he said arching his brow.

"You're supposed to humor your pregnant fiancé. I know it's not a perfect plan, but I think it's the safest." She checked her watch. "We should go. Sabrina never waits for anyone."

"You cannot go like this." Sayid said, as he tried not to smile. "You are not dressed yet."

She looked down and realized she was still in her bra. She hit him gently. "Why didn't you tell me earlier? We can't be late."

He helped her stand, and walked with her back into the bedroom. She could feel his eyes on her as she pulled out different blouses to try. She knew he was worried about how this appointment with Sabrina would go, but it was something she needed to do, and needed to do on her own terms. She was getting ready to ask Sayid what he thought about the blouse in her hands when she realized that he would say it looked great no matter what.

After trying on a few shirts, she decided on one that was conservative without being stuffy. It was a little low cut, but there was nothing wrong with that. It was a little looser than some of her other shirts, but not too loose that Sabrina's first thought would be that Shannon was pregnant, and not too tight that Sabrina could tell. With some pushing from Sayid, Shannon didn't change again, and they were finally in the car on their way to Sabrina's office. Sayid tried for a while to talk to her, but she was lost in memories of the past. Mainly she thought about her last conversation with Sabrina, and the words of hatred that they had screamed at each other. The letters they had exchanged had never been that horrible, but sometimes that edge crept back in, and Shannon worried about Sabrina's reaction to seeing her with Sayid. She hadn't seen Sabrina since before going to France and here she was stopping by with an older man that she was going to marry. She didn't expect it to go over well.

Sayid pulled the car into a parking spot, shifting into park. He turned to face her, and took both her hands in his.

"We do not have to do this."

"I'm fine," she said, trying to give him a convincing smile. She squeezed his hand. "I have you with me, so it will be fine."

She unbuckled her seatbelt, and stepped out of the car. Her hand was sweaty as Sayid took it in his. They walked in silence to the elevator. As they rode the elevator up to Sabrina's office Shannon could feel her heart pounding and she wondered if Sayid could hear it. Once inside the office, Shannon was gripped by the desire to turn and run. Instead, she took a deep breath and made her way to the receptionist. She was relieved to see that the one she knew had been replaced. She needed to surprise Sabrina.

"Shannon Jarrah."

"You can go straight through those doors and have a seat in her office. Ms. Carlyle will be in shortly." The receptionist looked distastefully at Sayid, who squeezed her hand in support.

Shannon bit back the remark she wanted to give the receptionist. She hated when people looked at him like that. He didn't deserve their suspicious stares. But she knew he was used to it, and he didn't say a word. Instead, he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her closer.

"I thought you were supposed to take my name after the wedding."

She smiled. "I just wanted to test it out."

He kissed her temple. "I like the way it sounds."

"Me too. It will be official soon."

Shannon reached out to open the door to the office, but her sweaty hand slipped off. She hated that seeing Sabrina could still have this affect on her. Sayid reached over and opened it for her. She trembled slightly as they stepped inside the office. To her surprise, Sabrina hadn't redecorated since the last time she had been there. She wondered why. Sayid slipped his hand into hers again and led her to the chairs in front of the desk.She clung to him for support. She wasn't sure what Sabrina's reaction to her being there would be.

Sayid continued to hold her hand, sending support with each gentle squeeze. Shannon felt sick again, but she knew it wasn't because of her baby. Maybe it wasn't too late to leave.

As she turned to Sayid to voice her thought, the door opened and Sabrina walked in. Shannon gasped at how much she had aged since the last time she had seen her. Sabrina's chestnut hair was speckled with gray and her thin frame looked as if she was about to collapse. This was not the woman she had called "wicked stepmother" behind her back.

Sabrina stopped in her tracks, her mouth agape in surprise.

"Shannon," she said once she recovered. She glanced down at the file she was holding. "I don't have your name on the file."

"I used Sayid's."

"Right, the man from the crash."

Sayid dropped Shannon's hand, and stood to introduce himself to Sabrina. He held out his hand, but Sabrina ignored it.

"You never mentioned marriage in your letters," Sabrina said as she sat down, motioning for Sayid to do the same.

"I wanted to tell you in person."

"So you felt it best to come into my office with a fake name."

"It's not a fake name," Shannon said defensively.

"You're not married yet." She pulled out a pen and a notepad. "Let's get this started."

Maybe this really had been a bad idea. Shannon always felt so small when dealing with Sabrina. Normally she would have responded by yelling back, but she didn't have the energy for it anymore. It wouldn't solve anything, and she would just leave feeling worse than she did right now. Shannon remembered a time when it had been different. Everyday she would force the chauffeur to drop her off at the office instead of going home, and she would look through the rejected wedding magazines. Sabrina didn't think it was appropriate to have a child in her office. Yet she never made Shannon leave. Shannon would lie on the floor under the desk creating new wedding dresses from the ones in the magazines. When Sabrina was wrapping up the day, she would have Shannon show her all the dresses she had designed. Those were the good days when they got along, the days before she had done something to piss Sabrina off and make her hate Shannon. She never knew what it was that upset Sabrina and never had the courage to ask.

"Remember when I used to visit?" Shannon asked softly.

For a second Sabrina's eyes softened, and Shannon remembered the woman she had almost been ready to call "Mom." But then the stony mask fell back into place.

"We're not here to reminisce," she stated. "We're here to plan a wedding."

Those moments hadn't meant as much to Sabrina as they had to her. Sayid grabbed Shannon's hand, intertwining her fingers with his. The warmth radiated.

"Where do you want it to take place?" She eyed Sayid warily. "I assume not in a church."

"On the beach overlooking the ocean," Shannon defensively, trying to ignore Sabrina's attack on Sayid..

"I don't recommend that," Sabrina said with a sneer. "Sand gets everywhere, and there is always the threat of rain."

Shannon had forgotten how much Sabrina hated beach weddings. She felt they were a waste since they never worked out the way they were supposed to.

"We lived on the beach, Sabrina. We know what to expect."

"If you say so. We'll set up a tent to keep you dry."

"I don't need a…" Shannon began.

"A tent on the beach," Sabrina continued talking over her. "Have you thought about when you wanted it to take place?"

Sabrina was making notes savagely on her paper. Shannon wondered if Sabrina had a special pen so the paper wouldn't tear.

"We were thinking two months from now," Sayid said.

"Are you serious?" Sabrina dropped her pen. "We cannot plan an adequate wedding in that amount of time. We need to do dresses, tuxes, and flowers. You have no idea what must be done for a proper wedding."

Shannon wanted to argue with her, but she felt the same sense of defeat that she had felt since she was a teenager when dealing with Sabrina. The old feelings of rebellion were stirring inside of her. She wanted to tell her off, and drag Sayid out of the building, but for some reason she couldn't.

"We want a simple ceremony. It does not need to be elaborate," Sayid said, his tone measured.

Sabrina looked to Shannon pointedly. "Are you pregnant?"

Shannon looked wide-eyed to Sayid. He had told her that he couldn't tell. Was he lying?

"How did you know?" Shannon asked softly.

"That is the only time I get these rushed weddings." Sabrina shut the folder and capped her pen. "Have you not learned anything?"

"What do you mean?"

"I will not help you obtain another quickie divorce Shannon. You think strings like that are easy to pull?"

"I'm not going to need that," she answered her voice quivering.

"You already have one marriage under your belt because you were pregnant, and you're going to try it again."

Shannon sat in stunned silence.

"Have you not learned that obligation marriages never last?" Sabrina continued. "I would have thought you would have realized that by now."

Shannon's heart started pounding at the words. She bit her lip to hold back the tears.

"This was a mistake," she said, as she stood. "I thought from your letters that you actually became human again. Guess that was just another mistake."

She grabbed Sayid's hand and pulled roughly. She needed to get out of that office before she burst into tears. She walked purposely towards the elevator, without stopping as Sabrina called after her. She pushed the button repeatedly begging it to come quickly. Finally the door opened with a loud ding. Once inside, Sayid moved to pull her into his arms, but she pushed him away.

"Please don't," she said tearfully. "I can't cry."

She saw the conflict in his eyes about what to do. She knew he desperately wanted to comfort her, and he was struggling with her wishes. They rode the elevator in silence, and didn't even speak when they got in the car. Shannon struggled with getting her seatbelt buckled. Sayid leaned over to help her, his eyes holding the concern he wanted to express. Once her seatbelt was fastened, the tears fell as if a dam had been broken.

"I just want to go home," she choked out between sobs.

Sayid started the car and quickly backed out of the parking space. Shannon turned to look out the window as the scenery whizzed by her. She wanted to feel numb. How could she have let Sabrina get to her like that? She had much worse conversations in the past with her. Why did this one hurt so much? Why did Sabrina hate her so much? Was Shannon really that horrible of a person? As she placed her hand gently against her stomach, she knew that Sayid wouldn't be with her if she were. But then why did Sabrina have to be so cruel?

Finally, they were home. Shannon quickly undid her buckle, and rushed up to the door. She unlocked the door and pushed her way inside. She just wanted to lie down and never move again.

Sayid followed behind her, and wrapped an arm around her waist, preventing her from moving down the hallway to their bedroom.

"Come here."

She pulled away. "I'm going to lie down."

She strode past him without waiting for a reply or acknowledgement about what she had said. She knew she was hurting him, but she couldn't help it. She couldn't deal with him hovering over her asking if she wanted to talk about it. Not when Sabrina's words were floating around in here mind. Without changing, she threw herself on the bed and closed her eyes.

She turned over and tried to get comfortable. Sabrina's words kept echoing again and again as if they were a broken record. Why did she do this to herself? She had told herself she had just wanted to tell Sabrina about the wedding, but in all honesty she had held on to the hope that she could get her almost mother back. She had been so nice to Shannon when she was younger, and now she was so cold. What changed things so drastically? She twisted and turned trying to find a way to silence the voices when she knew there was only one way to do it.

Shannon stood slowly, and made her way back to the living room. She paused in the doorway to find Sayid sitting on the sofa pretending to read a magazine. She could tell that he wasn't really reading it because the pages turned too quickly. She walked over to the sofa and sat down beside him. Once he placed the magazine down, she moved to snuggle against him.

"I thought you wanted to sleep."

"I needed my Sayid."

As he ran his fingers gently down her arm, she knew that she should have just come to him in the first place.

"Are you done pushing me away?" he asked gently.

She nodded. "I'm sorry. I thought I could do what I used to do after dealing with Sabrina. I would hide in my room until I thought it was safe to come out. I realize I need you."

His lips brushed against her forehead. "I will always be here."

She sighed deeply. Sayid deserved an answer to the accusations Sabrina had made about her, but it wasn't something she really wanted to get into. He sat there thinking that the child she carried wasn't her first, but as he held her, she knew that it didn't really matter to him. She took his hand as she stalled for how to explain everything to him.

"I was never pregnant before." Sayid squeezed her hand to let her know it was all right to continue. "Sabrina always thought I had been when I got married. I guess I never told her otherwise."

"Why would she think you were pregnant?"

She shrugged against him. "I guess she just felt that no guy would marry me unless he knocked me up."

"Knocked you up?"

"Slang for got me pregnant." She thought back to her previous marriage. It had been so good at first, but had gotten so bad so quickly that she was glad she had never been pregnant. "I loved him, Sayid." She sighed. "I thought I did. Maybe I was just in love with the idea of Paris and being married there. But I really thought he loved me, too. Sabrina never thought of that I guess, just assumed that there had to be a different motive in it. Guess I'm not good enough."

"I do not want to hear you say that," he said forcefully. "You are an amazing woman. Any man would have been lucky to have your love. I am fortunate that I was the lucky one."

"I think I'm the lucky one." She paused, how much more did she want to reveal to him. He had been so understanding so far, and it felt good to tell him. She continued, "After I went to Boone because the marriage was a sham, Sabrina called her lawyers and got it all taken care of."

That wasn't entirely true. It hadn't been a sham in the beginning. But as time when on Shannon realized that her husband didn't love her and was simply using her. It had all been a lie.

"It was just wiped away as if it never happened," she whispered.

"Of only it was that easy to heal the scars."

"I don't even want to know what she thought I did to the baby that never existed." She took a shaky breath. "After that Sabrina seemed to think that I owed her or something. I just wanted someone to talk to, and she just kept telling that she told me it would happen."

"I am sure she was simply trying to help in her own way."

Everyone always took Sabrina's side over hers. Her dad had thought that she was overreacting, while Boone had thought his mother was always right no matter what. Now Sayid was joining the bandwagon.

"Why are you defending her?" she asked angrily as she pulled away.

Sayid tucked her hair behind her ear. "I am just trying to understand why she would treat you this way."

Sayid always tried to see the good in people, a trait she had admired on the island. Why couldn't Sabrina try to see the good in Shannon? Why did she always expect the worst? Unlike Sayid, who always thought that Shannon actions were worthwhile, even if he did not agree them, Sabrina seemed to take offense at anything Shannon did.

Her lip quivered. "I don't know. She's just always hated me." Tears began to spill down her face. "Why does she hate me, Sayid?"

Her body shook with sobs and Sayid pulled her tightly to him. She wrapped her arms around him as she cried into his chest. For the first time since her relationship with Sabrina fell apart, Shannon didn't feel like she had to pick up the pieces all by herself.

TBC…


	5. Chapter 5

TITLE: Let Go, Move On  
RATING: PG  
SUMMARY: As Shannon and Sayid move towards their future, Shannon needs to confront part of her past.  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments.

Chapter Five 

Shannon woke up disoriented with her bed sheets tangled around her. She was in her pajama pants with a simple tank top. For a moment she didn't even remember going to bed, but then everything that happened yesterday came flooding back. The confrontation with Sabrina, breaking down in Sayid's arms and his insistence that she rest. Now, she reached out for him, but found that he had already gotten up. She frowned. She was used to him getting up before her, but she still needed him.

Slowly she climbed out of the bed, and stretched her arms over her head. She tugged on her pajama bottoms, wondering how much longer she would be able to wear them. She figured with the elastic waist she should be good for a few more months. Soon she would have to start buying new clothes. Sadly, not even the thought of shopping replaced the anguish that had engulfed her since Sabrina had accused her of marrying Sayid simply because she was pregnant. She wished that she read her stepmother's mind, then maybe she would understand.

She made the decision not to think about it anymore. She knew that Sayid had been worried about her last night, and there was no reason for him to be. They should be planning for their new baby, not dwelling in the past. Shannon pulled one of Sayid's shirts off the edge of the bed and slipped it over her tank top. She wrapped her arms around herself and breathed deeply, the shirt smelled like him, but it wasn't the same. She knew she would see him in the living room or kitchen, but simply having his shirt on made her feel even better.

She walked slowly out of the bedroom. She still felt so drained from yesterday. Part of her wanted to crawl back into bed, but she knew that wouldn't solve anything. Maybe she would try and talk Sayid into going shopping for the baby – maybe that would cheer her up, since the thought of shopping for herself had not. She smiled a little. She'd be able to look at the frilly little dresses and suits that were so tiny. But which would they buy? She had this feeling that the baby she carried was a girl, but what if she was wrong? She guessed they could always save the items they bought for another child. She pushed that thought away. She just wanted to see what having one child was like before she even thought about having more.

As she neared the living room, she heard Sayid's voice. Assuming that he was on the phone, she continued down the hallway toward him. Turning the corner, her heart beat faster in anticipation of seeing him. Even after all their time together, he still affected her more than anyone she had ever meet. At her sides, she balled her fists as she realized that Sabrina stood in her living room.

Both Sayid and Sabrina turned to face her. Sabrina's gaze immediately dropped to the floor, while Sayid's filled with guilt. Shannon glared at him trying to find out why he would betray her like that. Her eyes swept over his face searching for an explanation. Did he invite Sabrina over her? Why did he talk to her after everything she had said to Shannon? Sabrina was trying to steal her Sayid away. Sabrina sat down on the couch.

Excusing himself, he walked over to her and took her hand to pull her into the kitchen.

"What is she doing here?" Shannon hissed.

"I think she wanted to apologize." He placed his hands on her waist to keep her from walking away. "I believe it is genuine, Shannon."

"How long has she been here?"

Glancing at his watch, he said, "About half an hour."

"And you didn't think you should tell me?"

"You need your sleep." He brushed his lips against her forehead. "Would you like me to ask her to leave?"

She moved so she could rest her head against his shoulder. His arms wrapped around her back, and she felt safe. It didn't matter what Sabrina had to say, Shannon had him. He was really all the family she needed, him and their baby. But there was still a part of her that needed those answers, needed to know why Sabrina hated her. And as she thought about her unborn child, she realized that having someone else to help her could make all the difference. Shannon did not want her baby to experience anything that she had in her own childhood.

"No," she sighed, "I will talk to her."

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

"Always, but I think I should do this alone."

He hesitated. "I will be in our bedroom if you need me."

She hugged him tightly. "Thank you. I love you."

"I love you too," he said, giving her strength with a kiss, and then kissing his fingers and resting them against her stomach. She placed her hand on top of his grateful that she found a man like him.

Sayid left the kitchen, and Shannon heard him telling Sabrina that she would be right out. Then she heard their bedroom door shut. Stalling, Shannon went to the refrigerator and poured herself a glass of milk. She took a small sip but it triggered something in her delicate stomach and the nauseous feeling from yesterday returned. She thought about drinking the rest, just so she could have an excuse to get away from Sabrina, but throwing up was not something she wanted to do if she could help it, especially since it was all she seemed to be doing. If she wasn't throwing up, then she felt like she had to.

Finally she decided that she just needed to get this over with. She doubted that Sabrina would stay much longer. Maybe Shannon would finally get her answers. Shannon walked wordlessly back to the living room and sat down on the sofa furthest away from where Sabrina sat.

"How are you feeling?" Sabrina asked.

Shannon wasn't sure how she was supposed to answer that. If she answered truthfully, that she was exhausted because she had spent most of the night crying, then Sabrina would get the upper hand. However, if she lied, Sabrina would probably figure it out.

"Tired and nauseous," she answered honestly but without giving away too much.

Sabrina nodded. "That is normal for the first trimester." She twisted the ring on her finger. "I never told you congratulations yesterday."

"Thank you," she said uncertainly. "Sayid and I are really happy."

"He'll be a wonderful father."

Shannon couldn't believe that Sabrina actually had something nice to say. She wondered what Sabrina had to talked to with Sayid to lead her to that conclusion. She would have to ask him later. She wasn't sure how she should respond, so she just said nothing.

Sabrina reached down beside her and pulled out a binder from her purse. She stood and walked over to the sofa. She hesitated briefly before she sat down beside Shannon. She handed her the binder.

"What is this?" Shannon asked.

"Look at it."

Shannon flipped open the cover and tears instantly filled her eyes. As she turned the pages she saw every wedding dress she had designed as a child. She would take the pictures of the different dresses from the old magazines, and would cut and paste them together to make her own creations. Sabrina had always saved all the magazines for her. She turned her eyes to Sabrina curiously.

"I did remember, Shannon," she said softly.

"What didn't you say that yesterday?"

"You caught me off guard. I reacted poorly."

Shannon rolled her eyes. That had to be the understatement of the year. She also wasn't sure if she could believe her. Sabrina was notorious for faking apologizes to gain sympathy so she could get what she wanted. Shannon would not be pulled into that web again.

"After news of the crash," Sabrina's voice broke. "They told me you and Boone were gone. I didn't believe them. I thought it was one of your tricks. I hoped it was one of your scams to get money or something. I didn't want my children to be dead."

"You really thought I'd be that cruel?"

Shannon was surprised by Sabrina's confession. Did Sabrina really view her as that malicious? Sure, she had done some horrible things in the past, things she wasn't proud of, but never had she done something a as cruel as letting someone believe their child was dead.

"It was easier than thinking you were dead."

Shannon was shocked that Sabrina had actually cared that she was dead. Shannon would have thought that Sabrina would have thrown a party to celebrate. She was even more surprised to see that Sabrina, the ice queen, was crying.

"I pulled out everything," Sabrina continued. "All the drawings either one of you did, family pictures, everything. I found your books. I looked through them so often that the pages began to fall out of the books you used. I had them placed in this binder. I have all of Boone's things at home."

"I'm sorry about Boone," Shannon said softly.

"I know. I wish he could be here. He would like to see you as you are now. Happy, finally." She wiped away the tears that had fallen. She took the binder from Shannon's hands. "Enough about that. Tell me about how you meet Sayid."

Shannon eyed her as if she were crazy. "We were in a plane crash," she said slowly.

Sabrina rolled her eyes dramatically and Shannon was catapulted back to when she used to goof around with her stepmother, how long ago that felt.

"You know what I mean. You didn't meet as the plane was falling." Immediately she grimaced. "That was insensitive. I'm sorry."

Shannon tried to remember the last time that Sabrina had apologized to her for anything. This conversation was just getting weirder and weirder. She didn't know what to make of it. Why was Sabrina being so nice to her?

"Sayid needed help translating some maps that were in French," she said, deciding that the short version would be better.

"I thought you spent your time drinking in France, not studying."

"I tried to tell him that, but he didn't believe me." She glanced down at her engagement ring. "He never gave up on me."

"He truly cares about you. His eyes lit up when I asked him how you meet on the island."

She crinkled her nose in confusion. "If you knew from him, why'd you ask me?"

"I thought it would be nice if we talked, like we used to. Is there a problem with that?"

"What's going on?" Shannon finally asked, unable to take the confusion anymore. The woman seated next to her was not her stepmother, at least not the one she knew before she had left for France.

"What do you mean?"

"Yesterday, you accused me of marrying him just because I'm pregnant. Now you realize that we're in love, and I'm just supposed to tell you everything that happened on the island. You and I haven't been friends for a long time Sabrina."

Sabrina looked down at her hands. "I've regretted that, Princess. I had nightmares after the crash. I knew I hadn't been there for you. I was on Prozac to help me deal with the guilt and the anxiety. You never would have been there if it wasn't for me."

Shannon heard nothing else but her childhood nickname that her father had given her. It used to make her feel special, but now coming from Sabrina's mouth it felt as if it was an insult. There was nothing in what Sabrina said to make Shannon angry, yet she couldn't help but feel as if Sabrina was wrong to call her by her daddy's nickname for her.

"Don't call me that," Shannon said as she stood up turning away from Sabrina.

"Shannon, why do you need to make everything so difficult?" Sabrina said exasperatedly.

"I am not."

"I'm trying. This can not all be on my shoulders," Sabrina said, her voice quivering with anger.

"You didn't try when I was younger, why should I believe you now? How do I know you won't decide to treat me like trash again?"

Shannon took a shaky breath. She needed to get all this out. She was tired of dancing around the subject with Sabrina. Everything needed to be out in the open. She tried to keep her tears at bay, but she knew the dam would burst soon.

"You were such a wonderful stepmother," Shannon continued honestly. "I was going to call you mom." Sabrina looked up sharply at her words. "I was going to tell you when we played dolls one day, but you wouldn't play with me. You said you were too busy. Then when I asked to dress up in your clothes, you said no. Everything I asked you to do you said no. You stopped talking to me, unless it was to yell at me." Tears were streaming down her face now. "The worst part was I never knew why. Every night I would lie in bed trying to figure out what I did to make you hate me so much. I could never figure it out. I was a little girl and I needed you. And you just turned your back on me. Why? What did I do?"

Shannon's breathing was ragged now, and she felt her chest tightening up. She closed her eyes. She imagined Sayid next to her, whispering for her to breathe in through her nose. Once she felt that she had gained control of her breathing, she opened her eyes.

"I never hated you. I never knew you thought that." Sabrina stood and tentatively took Shannon's hand in hers.

"Then why did you stop being my friend?"

"You didn't need a friend. You needed a mother. You were a preteen and soon would have been a teenager. I knew what was in store for you. I simply thought it would help you to have more boundaries." She shook her head. "I had no idea I had done so poorly by you. I didn't know how to be a mother to you Shannon. I thought I was doing what was best for you. I really did."

"You could have been both. You didn't need to change so drastically." Shannon tugged on Sayid's shirt. "I looked up to you, and then you just pushed me away."

"I have no excuses. I thought what I was doing was being a mother to you. Maybe I was channeling my mother, who let me do whatever I wanted, and after I made mistakes she tried to reign me in. I was just trying to stop the same thing from happening. I am so sorry."

"Me too."

Shannon was sorry for so much right then. She looked Sabrina in the eye and for the first time, truly saw the woman who had captured her daddy's heart. Sabrina had dark circles under bloodshot eyes. Could she really be telling the truth? Shannon ached to believe her, she wanted to know that she wasn't a horrible person that her stepmother despised. But she was afraid that she would be setting herself up for more pain if she believed Sabrina.

"Maybe I should have asked you, but I thought you hated me. I was like the extra baggage you had to deal with since you loved daddy."

"I never thought of you that way. I just, I wanted to prevent you from making some of the mistakes I had. I thought by acting the way I did that I would have stopped you, but it seems I just made you push harder to make those mistakes."

Shannon's eyes widened in surprise. She had no idea that Sabrina had thought she was doing what was best for Shannon. All those years of pain could have been prevented, all those sleepless nights lying awake wondering what she had done wrong. So much could have been different, yet if they had she might not have found her Sayid.

"What mistakes did you make?"

"Typical teenager stuff." Sabrina said, rolling her eyes. "Then I got pregnant and married Boone's father when I was too young. It ended badly, like your first marriage. Boone's father was abusive and I saw you going through the same thing, or rather heard about it from Boone. I just wanted to fix it for you." Her body trembled as she sighed. "But it started before that. I was terrified, Shannon, that you would make those mistakes. I overheard you talking with your friends, and I realize now you were just being young girls, but it was too much. I didn't know what else to do."

A small wave of relief flooded over Shannon. She hadn't done anything wrong. She had just grown up and it wasn't what Sabrina had expected. She felt as if a weight had been lifted. Maybe things could be fixed. Placing her hand against her stomach, she knew there was still something she needed to clear up.

"I wasn't pregnant when I got married. I don't know why I let you believe that. I did love him, he just didn't love me, I guess. But it doesn't matter, I have Sayid now."

"And you are very lucky to have found him. It seems that love always finds you when you're not looking, but need it the most." Sabrina smiled sadly. "I meet your father at the grocery store. I never knew why he was there, but he helped me with Boone and getting all of my food together." A few tears slipped down her face. "Your father was my Sayid. He brought me happiness that I can't even describe. When I lost him, I didn't know if I was going to make it. But you don't have to worry about that."

Shannon and Sayid were safe here in their apartment now. They had their baby to think of, and nothing could touch them. That pain that laced her stepmother's voice couldn't touch them. In the back of her mind, Shannon remembered a time when that pain had been all too real. They had been in a plane crash and everyday there were threats to their survival. What would she have done without him?

"I almost lost Sayid on the island," she said, her eyes burning with unshed tears. "He was trying to play hero with some of the others. This little boy had been kidnapped and they were trying to find him. The rest of them came back, but no Sayid. It was a week and a half before he returned."

"Then you understand what it feels like," Sabrina said squeezing her hand.

Sabrina's cell phone jingled from her purse. She went to answer it, rolling her eyes as she checked the number. "You would think the office could handle me being away for a few hours."

She moved away to take the call, leaving Shannon alone with her thoughts. Sabrina really wasn't the evil bitch that Shannon had spent the past years hating. If only they had talked when Shannon was a teenager or before she left for France, they might have actually been able to heal their fragile relationship. Shannon wasn't sure that she completely trusted Sabrina yet, but she was on her way. She had seen something in Sabrina today that she hadn't seen in a long time. She had seen her heart, something she had always doubted even existed. Sabrina had almost been destroyed by the plane crash. Shannon owed it to her daddy and Boone to try and make amends with Sabrina. Anyway if her daddy loved Sabrina then there had to be some good in her. Sayid loved her flaws and all, maybe she could do the same for Sabrina.

Flipping her phone closed, and shoving it in her purse, Sabrina looked to Shannon annoyed. "I need to go into the office. Apparently one of my brides has decided that she needs more floral arrangements to outdo her sister who got married yesterday."

"Maybe we can go shopping later," Shannon said, biting her lip.

She didn't know what possessed her to voluntarily spend time with her stepmother, but she wanted to find a way to make amends. Her baby needed a family.

"Of course. I plan on spoiling my grandbaby."

Shannon smiled. "That's right grandma."

Sabrina looked horrified. "I am not that old. We need to think of a nicer title than that. Maybe something like Glam ma," she said laughing.

Shannon gave Sabrina a hug, laughing as well. "I'm sure you'll be the best dressed grandma around."

"You better believe it." She checked her watch. "I really must go. I'm glad that we talked, Shannon. You're all I have left." She hesitated before touching Shannon's face. "I love you, princess," she said affectionately.

Rolling her eyes, Shannon said, "I love you, too."

Shannon couldn't remember the last time she had said those words to Sabrina. They felt foreign to her. She started to try and call her mom, but she wasn't ready, and she wasn't sure if she ever would be. There was still so much hurt to be healed.

After walking Sabrina to the door with promises to call later to go shopping, Shannon immediately went to the bedroom to find Sayid.

She saw him lounging on the bed with his eyes closed. She walked slowly over to the bed and climbed on top of him, kissing him awake. He responded too quickly, and she knew he had been faking sleep.

He swept the hair out of her face. "You have been crying."

"Therapeutic tears. I think we may have actually figured some stuff out."

Sayid smiled at her. "I told you it would work out."

"We're going to go baby shopping."

"Baby shopping?"

"Clothes I meant. Do you want to come too?"

"Does she shop like you?" he asked eyeing her skeptically.

"Where do you think I learned it?"

"I guess I will have to so I can keep you in check. We will not have enough room if I let you go alone."

"Funny," she said hitting him playfully.

She moved so she could snuggle against him. She wanted to tell him all about the conversation she had with Sabrina, but it could wait, she just wanted to relax in his arms. She had plenty of time to talk with him later. They had their whole lives together to talk.

THE END


End file.
